Thursday, September 30, 2010

What would you do for love?


I have started a revisiting of so called gnostic texts and codex's that I've collected for years and I find them a hard read and my theology is hardly up to the task but I am interested so I do my best to digest it in the context of literature. There is one text that I find to be the most compelling to date and that is the so called Gospel of Judas. Even reading the title is anathema considering the populous view of Judas and few would associate him with good news. The history of just the poor copy of the text that has surfaced is fascinating never mind the compelling but disjointed contents. I feel a naive attraction to such a loathed figure and I can't help but sympathize with him. I am as fascinated with his Gospel as I am fascinated with the Satan of the Book of Job, the roles they play are absolutely necessary for the illustration of God's love in a conventional context yet they are mostly despised and associated with all that is wrong with the world. Should we not pity and forgive even the most damned of us all? The writer of Judas's gospel however is determined to show that Judas was instructed in abstract theological concepts that the other disciples were not privy to but for me I am more interested in the idea that Judas played a role that Jesus compels him to do. Perhaps the song "Your Enemy Cannot Harm You" and it's moral is good advice to us all but just maybe Judas did do what he was asked to do and in doing so he helped bring The Passion into being. I often wonder what I would have done...

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

It's time for a little shack up the hills and far away...

It's taken me a goodly long while to come to the moment of this announcement but my minds made up and changes are being made...I have had a long standing offer to move my workshop into a gentleman friend's garage and enjoy the patronage of someone who has believed in my luthiery skills for some time. As with many good things this all comes with a price that isn't expressed in dollars. In my past practice I have been able to provide materials, tutelage and tools to those for whom it was an impossibility to have one or all of those things and have often borne the brunt of the expense to do so. My new patron has requested that a condition of my residence in his space is that I do not teach, entertain or allow former students to come back. I am to build my musical instruments in relative isolation to the benefit of myself and perhaps occasionally share some of my experience with the owner of the space. There was a time in my life that the End was something waiting for me over a horizon that was a very long ways away but I am now confronted with a feeling that my time is not nearly as long as I would like it to be given the progression of my diabetes and complications. I must seize this opportunity as I cannot return to the previous way of doing things without the backing of the larger forces I once had. Everyone likes building guitars but as with many things in life those I have found to be most deserving can't pay my rent. Being an instrument maker without a workshop has been very hard both on my creative desires and my substantive ego so with all that in mind I am moving in to my new space over the next few months.

The mystery patron is a person with whom I have had a longer standing private friendship over many years. He has visited me from time to time at the workshops last location at
Pender and Templeton and he is someone who has learned my habits and often finds me on the Drive. He is a rather eccentric and reclusive person as well and is an accomplished artist in several media. He is very talented yet reserved when praised and quiet about his own accomplishments which after some investigating I have found to be no small things. He is not a love interest although I find him and his overt old fashioned masculinity to be pleasant but my homosexuality has never been a topic for discussion and I happy in this realm to leave it unsaid. He has a house in the Sunrise East area and the space I will be inhabiting is an antiquated but functional space that is the very picture of many people's romanticized ideas of what a shop should be.

I am sad to put down the idea of teaching and sharing but it can't be said I haven't done my share and I am always open to whatever may come in the future. I am a builder of stringed instruments that has a unique and less common vision but I cannot do what I do best on the memories of happier time in the past. I am sad that I will not have my old friends at my side but I must get on with my own endeavours as best as I can with the opportunities provided to me...

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Time is the one thing you still can't buy in a flap and stick in your arm...

The slow burn of life has got me wondering what is ahead of me as I have become insulin dependent in the frame work of type 2 diabetes which on the onset classes me as insulin resistant. My body is dying and I can feel the death of the nerves in my legs and feet. I am frightened by the failure of a body which has been as faithful a vessel as I can ask for considering the tremendous storms it has suffered. The back story is not what matters to me anymore and I am surprised by my reluctance to write about it but it just often doesn't seem important and time as taken many of the details for itself. Battered as I often feel I am above ground and have some work to do before moving on from this life to the next. My body and emotions often betray me at the worst moments but I've still got my instruments and they sometimes say more in a quicker way than writing at length. Wouldn't Mind Dying If That Was All is a song that is near to my heart because despite sounding fatalistic it says to me that I've still got some time...